So I was over the moon excited today that we were going to be going to VA for Kaeli's birthday. I thought long and hard about it and after much consideration, I decided I was going to invite my dad's new wife. I still respect my mom enough to discuss it with her, so I called and let her know my decision and her opinion on the situation. After all, there was discussion about my sister's wedding and the ending statement was, that was not the place for her to be integrated into "family" events. So I took that as there being a possibility. Mind you, my mother has her own life, a boyfriend, a house of her own now .... doing it on her own and doing very well. She shot down the idea with not only saying she was against it, but that if his wife was there she would not be. What?! This is my daughter's 1st birthday! When does the focus come off her and onto them again? I am so sick of this divorce I could scream! It has been 4 years, when is it over? It is not like there are small children to still raise, we are all adults and on our own. The thing that kills me is that if it is about people talking, the MAJORITY of the people that would come to her party is either family or my friends who have no opinion or even much info about it. She won't answer my phone calls, but instead wrote me an email stating that if I chose to have his "wife" there she will just go out of town ... are you kidding me? I told Mike we should just not go because I don't want to be put into that drama, nor do I want my kids subjected to it but the problem is, there are a lot of people looking forward to us coming and spending her birthday with her, especially Jamie! I don't want those people to "suffer" and I don't want us to suffer because my mom can't get over him being married. She says if it were any other person, but not this woman .... but this is the one he chose, and he is my father. I have my own life, I can't worry about who they are with.
I am not saying this would be easy, and I am not saying I understand how she feels .. but when does it stop being about them (my dad included) and they start realizing just how much they are effecting us and our kids!?
3 comments:
Niki,
I'm so sorry you are going through this...sadly though..I can tell you..it doesn't get easier...my parents have been divorced/separated for over 10 years and I still hear about the other from both sides...it's disheartening that our parents can sometimes be so selfish, and it's a tough lesson to learn that are parents are "human" and err as much as we do. Hopefully one day the bitterness will subside...hopefully one day you will no longer be put in the middle..hopefully one day each will see what they are doing to their children...keep praying for your parents...I'll be praying for you and your sisters as you 3 need it too being put in such divided positions!!
Hey Nik, I'm sorry you're suffering. And I understand. My parents have been divorced for about five years now, both remarried, and my mother still gets bitter about it. They were married one month shy of 35 years... that is a lot of hurt to get over in five years, I suppose. My mother never brings my dad up, but the reverse is not true. I have to constantly ask her not to talk to me about my dad. It's funny... we grew up with them putting our feelings first, nurturing us, being selfless parents. Then we grow up, they get divorced, and they become like children. We find ourselves trying to mediate, trying to find that "middle ground" that won't leave anyone feeling hurt. But the problem with that is that the hurt is already there, through no fault of our own. Your mother's feelings about your dad and her bitterness toward his wife... not your problem. You should not be put in the middle. Etiquette dictates that you can invite whomever you choose and people can come or not. I wouldn't let yourself be manipulated. Try to love, period. Love your mother. Love your father. Love their spouses. Love your siblings. Love their children. Love. The Bible commands it. The Bible also tells us not to take on the offenses of others, so your mother's offense at/toward your father is not your own. Pray that your mother will forgive your father. That is the only way to not only save her soul, but to help her heal (Mark 11:25-26 "And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.")
About your blog, you have the right to post anything you like. No one is forced to read it. No one should be offended by the truth. If they are, maybe that should cause them to rethink their actions and words. The truth should not be feared.
As for your stepmother, she obviously needs lots of love, prayer, forgiveness, and understanding. You are a big person for trying to include her. People often think about what Jesus would do... And you obviously have.
Love you!
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