"Enjoy Ordinary Days"

I have a very heavy heart today because I feel like no matter what I do or say, I always come across to my family (and others) as being the "bad guy" (and other choice words). I am sick of it. I am the only one in this family who seems to care, unconditionally, what others think/feel and always conform. I am done with it. I didn't get divorced, I am not the one who broke up the family, I am not the one who was unfaithful, I am not the one who can't get over it. This is between my parents, and they have to work it out. If they want to slander each other and make it hard for my sisters and I, that is something they will live with. My mom focuses on my dad and his lack of interest in us and his new found interest in his step kids .. but she is making it just as bad with her constantly bad mouthing him. My dad wants to focus on what my mom has done to make his life miserable, and talk to us about what a horrible person she is ... but he is making it just making it worse for us because this was the choice HE made, not anybody else. I am OVER IT! Can you all hear me??????????? I will blog what I want to, talk about what I want to, invite who I want to where I want to and that is it. If you don't like it, don't read this, don't write me, don't call me, don't come. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! I am so sick of it I could scream, and inside I am right now. I have had it up to the ceiling with both of them being selfish and narcosistic and putting me and my sister's in the middle. So here it is. The answer to it all, FORGIVENESS. You want to put an end to it, there it is. Read what I have written below, pray about it, delete it, it does not matter anymore. I will not subject my kids and my husband to it anymore. I love everyone so much and try so hard to please you all and in the end, I am the one suffering and I am the one who ends up in tears with disappointment and hateful words thrown at me. I have done a lot in my life that I have been forgiven for. I choose to do what God would do, that is my final answer!

(Taken from my daily devotional)

Psalm 126:5

"They who sow in tears shall reap in joy and singing"

"Our days in the kingdom of God are like seeds scattered upon the ground. We must continue to sleep and rise, night and day, while the seeds that we sow through our words and deeds sprout and grow and increase (see Mark 4:26-28).

Most days are not full of excitement, and some days are more difficult to endure than others. But we can learn to enjoy the ordinary and the challenging days of our lives. As the earth produces first the blade, then the ear, and finaly the full grain in the ear, so will our lives produce a great harvest from our faithfulness in sowing righteaousness.

Continue to do what you know is right to do, and enjoy this ordinary day. Youare one day closer to a joyful harvest."

Some verses that I am praying hard about right now:

Psalm 65:3
"When we were overwhelmend by sins, you forgave our transgressions"

Matthew 18:21-22
"Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my borhter when he sins against me? Up to seven times?'

"Jesus answered, ' I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times'."

Luke 6:27-29
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.

37-38

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the meausure you use, it will be measured to you."

2 Corinthians 2:5-10

"If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent-not to put it too severely. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow .... The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him."

Ephesians 4:31-32

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."